


Our Day at the Fair, by Tessa

by khek



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:18:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khek/pseuds/khek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hammond's granddaughter Tessa writes a report on her day at the fair with Jack and Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Day at the Fair, by Tessa

Our Day at the Fair  
By Tessa

 

Last weekend, me and my little sister Kayla went to the County Fair. Grandpa George had promised us for weeks and weeks that we could go, and it was the very last weekend. Then he found out that he had to work on a last-minute project. Mom had to work too, but when Kayla cried Grandpa George said that he wasn't a General for nothing, and he asked Colonel Jack to take us. Colonel Jack said yes, but only if someone else had to help because two little girls were too much for him to handle. He must have been joking, we're not hard to handle. Grandpa says we're his angels. But I guess Colonel Jack won the argument, because Daniel came with us too.

Colonel Jack and Daniel came to pick us up in Colonel Jack's truck. It was all green and shiny and clean. But it had no room for us. Grandpa George asked Colonel Jack how he expected to bring us anywhere when he didn't have room for Kayla's booster seat. Or me. Daniel laughed. We took Grandpa's car.

It was a long ride and Kayla was annoying because she kept asking "are we there yet?" when we weren't. There, I mean. Daniel suggested that we entertain them to pass the time, so Kayla and me sang Daniel and Colonel Jack all the songs we know on the way. Kayla's favorite is "The Ants go Marching" We sang it ten times. My favorite is "Lady Marmalade." We danced as good as we could, strapped in the back seat with seatbelts. Colonel Jack clapped. Kayla screamed because that meant he wasn't holding the steering wheel. He almost drove off the road. I yelled at Kayla for scaring him. Colonel Jack yelled because he spilled hot coffee on his lap. Daniel talked really quietly and calmed everyone down. He smiled and told us that he was impressed that we remembered all the words of all the songs, and the dances that go with them. Then he made Colonel Jack stop at a rest area so that he could change his pants. Luckily, Colonel Jack had a spare pair with him!

We finally got to the Fair. The first thing we saw after we bought our tickets was the Fried Dough booth. Colonel Jack bought us both fried dough. I had mine with butter and cinnamon. Kayla had mustard. Daniel made a face and said "no thank you". Colonel Jack had cinnamon too. Kayla was mad because he wouldn't choose mustard, but he told her he was allergic, and Daniel would have mustard. So he bought Daniel a fried dough and put mustard on it, and Daniel made more faces at him when he thought I wasn't looking. He took two bites, then when Kayla and Colonel Jack weren't looking, he threw out his fried dough in a trash can! He winked at me and put his hands together like he was begging me, so I kept his secret. Who doesn't like fried dough though?

After we got the dough, we went into the animal barn. The animals were very loud and very stinky! There were roosters and chickens and sheep and goats and cows and pigs and horses and llamas. We were able to pet some baby bunnies and ducks. Kayla liked the bunnies best, I liked the horses. Colonel Jack said that maybe Grandpa would let me take riding lessons, if I ask him nicely.

At the very end of the shed was a camel. Colonel Jack told us that Daniel grew up riding camels. Daniel said it was true. He scratched the camel's neck, and it looked happy. Colonel Jack patted the camel's neck, and the camel pulled back its lip and spit yucky, slimey yellowish green stuff at him. It landed on his pant leg. It smelled terrible. Colonel Jack said some very bad words and two old ladies yelled at him. Daniel said evidently camels didn't like Colonels, then we all went to the bathroom so Colonel Jack could wash off. But he was wearing whitish-colored pants, and they had a big yucky green stain on them. And they were wet. But Colonel Jack smiled when Kayla started crying and said he didn't need to go home to change, even though his pants were dirty and he didn't have another pair anymore.

There were some boring food and vegetable barns, but we mostly skipped them. We did stop and buy french fries though. Colonel Jack said that one order was enough--we could split them. So we did. I put ketchup on mine. Kayla put mustard on hers. Kayla is weird.

Outside the vegetable barn, we did see the biggest pumpkin in the county--it weighed 264 pounds and was big enough to make a jack-o-lantern that would fit both me and Kayla inside! When I told Daniel that, he started telling me how Halloween started and where jack-o-lanterns came in. It was kind of interesting, but then Kayla started trying to climb on the pumpkin and the boy who grew it started yelling, and Colonel Jack stopped looking at a two-ton statue of a cow made from butter and asked Daniel why he wasn't paying attention to Kayla. Daniel just sighed and we moved on to the free stuff barn.

The free stuff barn was actually called something else, but I don't remember what. It's a bunch of people trying to sell grownups things like new windows or swimming pools. The free stuff is things to make you remember who they are. Some of it is good--like keychains which I collect, and some of it is boring--like rulers. We entered a lot of raffles for free stuff. Daniel helped us write them. All the booths have candy. So Kayla and I had malted milk balls, kisses, m&ms, caramels, peppermint patties, lollipops, peanuts, gumdrops and those white and red swirly peppermint hard candies. We ate a lot and Colonel Jack and Daniel didn't notice! We didn't win any prizes, but we did get some cool little flashlights and coloring books and magnets and bookmarks. Colonel Jack took a bunch of brochures on hot tubs.

Finally, we got to the games and things. Colonel Jack said it was called the Midway. It was lunchtime when we got there, so we had corn dogs on a stick. Kayla and I did, anyway. Colonel Jack and Daniel had pizza. Kayla put mustard all around the outside of her corn dog and then was waving it around like a magic wand. The mustard went flying, and then so did the corn dog! Some of the mustard hit me, but most of it was still on the corn dog when it hit Colonel Jack in the face. It rolled down his shirt and landed in his lap. Colonel Jack was covered in mustard. I was too, but not as much as Colonel Jack. Kayla apologized, but I was very, very mad at her.

Colonel Jack and I went to the bathroom to wash up while Daniel and Kayla bought us new shirts. Mine says "Wild Thing" and has a glittery picture of a baby lion on it. Colonel Jack's says "Grouchy and Proud of It" and it has a picture of a grown-up lion snarling. Colonel Jack kind of snarled when Daniel gave him the shirt, but then Kayla told him she'd picked both of the pictures because she liked lions and he said "thank you, sweetie" and patted her head.

(Kayla fibbed! Later, she told me that she made a deal with Daniel. She would say she picked out the shirts if Daniel bought her one too. Daniel wanted the grouchy lion one, because he thought it fit Colonel Jack. I'm sure there were other shirts that would have fit him though, because that one was actually a little too long and he had to leave it untucked, although that was probably good because it covered the mustard stain. The shirt Kayla got was pink and said "Spoiled Rotten". Mom won't let her wear it.)

Anyway, once we were all clean again, we went down the Midway. I wanted to win some prizes. Daniel said they were fixed so that people couldn't really win. When Kayla asked him how he knew that, he told us that he'd worked at a carnival one summer. That's so cool! Daniel said that it wasn't as much fun working as it was visiting. That's probably true. He taught us how to see the tricks so we could win. Kayla won a goldfish at the ring toss, and I won three Beanie Babies in the water gun race. I gave one to Kayla to make up for yelling at her for the mustard. I also won a dollhouse family by spinning a wheel that landed on the right number. We both got stuffed animals at the dart game...I chose a tiger, Kayla got a spotted dog.

Colonel Jack was very happy when we got to the shooting contests. To play the game, you had to shoot a bunch of ducks that were moving in a line. Some ducks were big and some were little. Me and Kayla tried first, but we didn't even hit one duck. Then Colonel Jack challenged Daniel to a shoot off. Daniel didn't look like it was something he wanted to do, but Colonel Jack kept teasing him until he finally said "All right Jack, If it will make you stop whining, I'll do it."

The man at the booth was smiling until they both started hitting the ducks. Every single one. Colonel Jack and Daniel are really good shooters! People started gathering around us as Colonel Jack and Daniel kept hitting all the ducks. The man in the booth looked like he was going to explode--his face kept getting redder and redder. When he started making noises like a teakettle, I think Daniel noticed too, because he missed a duck. Colonel Jack shouted "Hah! I won!" and slapped Daniel on the back. Daniel smiled, even through I think he lost on purpose.

The man in the shooting booth chewed on a cigar and said that Colonel Jack could pick a prize from the next to the highest shelf. Daniel said that wasn't the way the game worked, and that they should each be able to get a prize from the very top shelf. They got very loud. Kayla hid behind me when they started arguing, but Daniel pointed to the rules and Colonel Jack crossed his arms and scowled and the man finally said okay. We got to pick the prizes. Kayla picked a pink beanbag chair shaped like an elephant and I picked a gigantic art kit with paints and modeling clay and colored pencils and glitter glue and other stuff. "Very messy," Colonel Jack smiled and said, "I'm sure your Grandpa George would love to help you with that." Daniel kind of rolled his eyes.

The man wouldn't let Colonel Jack or Daniel play anymore, and neither would the man in the next booth--where you shot guns at paper stars. The next one with water guns to blow up balloons wouldn't either. Colonel Jack said they were sore losers, but Daniel said that they were just smart businessmen. Our prizes were too big to carry around, so Daniel took all of them except the Beanie Babies and the goldfish to the car while Colonel Jack bought us ice cream cones and we rested for a minute. Kayla still had about half of hers when she got distracted watching a man with a whole bunch of pierced earrings in his lips and eyebrows walking by us. She forgot about her ice cream cone when she swung around to grab Colonel Jack and show him. Instead of grabbing him, she hit him with her ice cream.

Colonel Jack yelped and jumped and fell off the picnic bench. Kayla's kind of melty ice cream had landed his lap. It fell off when he fell, but it left behind a big chocolate mess. Kayla started crying because she was sorry. I tried to wipe off the chocolate with my napkin, but Colonel Jack sort of hopped around and held me away. That's when Daniel came back. He took one look and said "wait here a minute." He picked up Kayla and took her with him while I stayed and took care of Colonel Jack. Mostly I patted him on the shoulder and said that Daniel would be right back.

Kayla said they went to one of the tattoo places, where Daniel talked to a big man with long hair and a beard in a braid and lots of tattoos. When they came back, Daniel had a pair of sweatpants with him. They said "Harley Davidson" across the butt, but they were definitely better than the pants with chocolate and mustard and camel spit on them. We went back to the bathrooms and Colonel Jack changed again.

We only had an hour left before we had to leave to go back home (because Grandpa told Colonel Jack that we had to be home promptly by 6:00) but we still had to go on some of the rides. While Daniel waited in line to buy tickets, Colonel Jack bought us some cotton candy. I got purple, and Kayla got pink.

Daniel came back with enough tickets so that we could go on four rides if we all went, or ten rides if it was just me and Kayla. Our first stop was the merry-go-round, which was enormous! Kayla got on a white and pink horse, but I chose a green dragon. Daniel and Colonel Jack watched from the ground as we went around and around and up and down. I tried to grab the ring, but I was too short. I came close though. Kayla was kind of quiet when we got off, I thought she'd be laughing about the pink horse, but she didn't. She just said she wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel next.

There wasn't enough room for us all to sit in one seat, so we did 'eeny, meeny, miney mo' to see who would ride together. I ended up with Daniel, and Kayla rode with Colonel Jack. It was very exciting to see all the people below us, looking like little tiny ants. Daniel told me that the ferris wheel was invented by a man who wanted to make a sideways merry-go-round over a hundred years ago. He said more, but I forget what now.

We went on the bumper cars next, and traded partners. Me and Colonel Jack went after Daniel and Kayla, bumping into them about fifty times before our time ran out. I was laughing so hard that I got the hiccups. Colonel Jack said that our age and experience meant that we had more skill, and that's why we beat the pants off of them.

Kayla and I could barely walk straight when we left the bumper cars. Daniel said we only had time for one more ride, and it should be fun for everyone. So we voted and decided on the roller coaster, three to one. I don't know who voted for the baby's train, but it wasn't me or Kayla. I don't think it was Colonel Jack, either.

The roller coaster was all the way on the other side of the rides. Colonel Jack bought each of us a pretzel for the walk over. Daniel asked "is that wise?", and Colonel Jack said that Fairs were meant for junk food and that Daniel had been spending too much time with Mr. Teal'c. Kayla put mustard on hers, but then she dropped it. She said it was by accident, but I think she did it on purpose because she checked to see if Colonel Jack or Daniel was watching her first. Kayla is weird.

The roller coaster was able to fit all of us in one seat. Colonel Jack laughed and said every kid wanted to ride the roller coaster. Daniel said he should know. Colonel Jack just raised one eyebrow (I wish I could do that!) and said "Daniel" in that voice that grownups use with kids when they think we're being bratty. And Daniel said "Jack" the same way, and Colonel Jack said "Daniel" and Daniel opened his mouth and then the man came and put the bar down across our laps and the ride started.

The roller coaster was fun and kind of scary. We went up to the top of a tall hill and down again really fast and then around a loop so that we went upside down and I was screaming all the way. Kayla was screaming too, but she sounded kind of odd, not like she was having fun, but more like she'd just seen a spider or something. Colonel Jack had his arms wrapped around her and was whispering to her. Daniel leaned over me to ask if she was okay. Colonel Jack said Kayla didn't feel good. We had to wait until the ride was over, but I didn't really enjoy the rest of the ride, knowing that Kayla wasn't happy.

When the ride ended, Daniel got out, then me, then Colonel Jack lifted Kayla out of the car. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face. Daniel patted her on the back and asked what was wrong. She shook her head. From what I could see, she looked kind of green. Colonel Jack said "too much junk food." Daniel said "you think?" even though he was the one who told Colonel Jack that right before the ride. Then Kayla turned her head and threw up all over Daniel.

Yucko.

Then Kayla said she felt better, and could we go on the roller coaster again? Colonel Jack and Daniel said "NO!" together, very loudly. And Colonel Jack looked at his watch and said it was time to leave.

Daniel took his yucky shirt off and threw it in a trashcan. People kept looking at him because there weren't many people walking around there with bare naked tops. One lady even asked me if he was married. We headed out for the car, but stopped at one of the T-shirt stands to buy Daniel a shirt because Colonel Jack insisted that he was a danger to the unsuspecting walking around with no shirt.

Daniel went to the bathroom and cleaned up a little bit while Colonel Jack insisted on picking out his T-shirt. When Daniel came out, he put on the shirt with just a little snort. It said "Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it". Daniel said he'd rather have the one that had "I'm with stupid," but Colonel Jack laughed and said no. I thought that would have been kind of funny, except I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was stupid.

We got home right at 6:00, like Grandpa George said. We only had to speed a little bit to make it. Mom and Grandpa George came out to meet us. They asked us if we had a good time. I started to tell them about all our prizes, but all Kayla wanted to talk about was Colonel Jack and Daniel's new clothes and the camel spitting and the food she'd dropped on Colonel Jack, and how she'd thrown up on Daniel. Grandpa George said that it sounded like Colonel Jack got the better end of the deal. Daniel nodded.

Colonel Jack and Daniel stayed for a little while, but me and Kayla were really tired, so we went to bed early. Before we went upstairs though, we told Colonel Jack and Daniel that it was the best day ever and that we had a wonderful time, and we asked them if they'd take us to the circus next month.

We could still hear Grandpa George laughing when we fell asleep.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally in a SDJ collection.


End file.
